Take a Walk with Me - Eighteen Years of Wonderful Memories

This past Friday, my baby girl turned 18. The night before that inconceivable event, I sat down to write about it, but as I combed through years of blog stories looking for pictures, I took a turn down memory lane and spent the evening reading about Allyson's life. I hope you'll take a walk with me down through the years.

The story actually begins about 21 years ago, after Bill and I decided we wanted to start a family. The 19 months it took us to conceive felt interminable. It occurs to me now what a blink in time that was compared with the dizzying passage of time these last 18 years. 

We were on a Carribean cruise with Ethan when I finally learned I was pregnant--after I'd already filled the prescription for a fertility drug that I would never need to take. 

At this point, my suspected pregnancy was a fragile, secret hope

Excerpt from my journal, 10/7/05:

I slept fitfully last night, waiting for the light, waiting to take my test. I got up around 7:30 and crept to the bathroom. I set the test stick flat on the lavatory and watched the fluid spread across the window. The reference line appeared immediately, but there was no test line at first. My stomach sank. [This experience had become far too familiar.]

But then I saw a second line, very faint, begin to materialize. I strained to see it, and yes, it got darker and darker. There definitely were two lines, though the second was lighter. I sat and smiled at myself in the tiny mirror. I didn't cry.

I climbed back in bed and snuggled up to Bill. I was too excited to fall back asleep, but I lay there for another hour enjoying my secret....

Of course, what I wanted most was a healthy baby, but I yearned for a daughter. 

It's A Girl!

On the day of my sonogram, my dearest hope was realized. 

Excerpt from my journal, 1/31/06:

In the car, I didn't make it out of the parking lot before I started sobbing. I started imagining a little girl in a ruffled dress, a preteen getting her first bra, her first period, her first date as a teenager. I just let the tears fall as I contemplated the wonder of watching our girl grow into a woman.

I must have been crying pretty hard because my cell phone rang, and it was Bill checking on me. He was in his truck, taking Ethan back to school while I headed to the airport for my flight to Chicago. He said, "What are you doing back there?"

I laughed and admitted, "I'm crying." I assured him they were happy tears, and I asked if he was happy. He said very. I asked if he was afraid about raising a girl, and he said, "Of course." He told me to take it easy and not get into a wreck.

I could cry for joy now as I ponder the privilege of witnessing all of those things that I imagined so many years ago. 

Allyson's birth was the best chapter of my love story with Bill. Aside from several incidences of false labor, her birth unfolded beautifully, even better than I had imagined. Seeing 9-year-old Ethan holding his long-awaited baby sister for the first time was one of the most touching moments of that perfect day. 

If you look closely, you might detect the note of wistfulness in his eyes. He later confessed that he'd been sad and worried that day because his cousins, Hillary and Savannah, had told him on the way to the hospital that he'd better get used to being ignored. From now on, they predicted, all the attention would go to the new baby. Bill and I did all we could to dispel those fears, and Ethan enjoyed a warm relationship with his adoring little sister. He was her protector from day one.

Allyson was a delightful toddler. Many of you have been reading long enough to remember all the hilarious mischief she got into. Out of all of those many blog entries, the one story that comes to mind is her bizarre idea of crafts, which she called "trafts." 

A Day When Allyson Felt Particularly Craftsy

Excerpt from blog entry on 6/5/09, two days before Allyson's third birthday:

Bill: You want to do WHAT?

Allyson: I wanna poke holes in the bread with the pencil.

Bill: Huh? No, you can't do that to the bread.

Allyson: But Mama let me do it.

Bill: I'm gonna have to talk to your mom about that. That doesn't sound right.

If you'd like to hear the rest of the story, you can find it here: But Mama Lets Me Do It

Before I was even close to ready, Allyson went off to preschool, which she dearly loved. 

First Day - Isn't she unbearably cute?

Allyson's Soccer Career Begins

When Allyson was three, she joined her first soccer team. At first she was like most of the other kids, who milled about aimlessly and stared at the clouds, but during one particularly brutal game when her team was losing about 15 to zero, it all clicked for Allyson.

Excerpt from blog entry on 4/17/10:

A couple hours [after the game], I heard her singing on the stairs. "I goed and I goed and I ran so fast! And I got two scores, two scores!" she sang.

"Yes, you did!" I called from the kitchen.

"Now cheer and clap for me," she said, and I did. "No, louder!" she ordered.

"You mean like I cheered at the game?"

"No, even louder!"

"It's not possible to cheer any louder than that," I explained. And I had the sore throat to prove it.

Kindergarten

Sooner than I could have believed possible, Allyson was off to kindergarten. 

Excerpt from blog entry, 9/18/11:

As ecstatic as she had been about starting school, her first impression wasn't all that great. "There's lots of rules," she complained. One thing she does like, though, is buying her lunch in the cafeteria....

I think Allyson is enjoying school more now. She comes home saying words like "hypothesis" and telling me all about Leonardo DaVinci, whose paintings "look like music."

 You can read the whole, sweet story here, if you'd like: Tales from Kindergarten 

Baptism

Allyson put her faith in Jesus at the tender age of five, after she came to understand the gospel from listening to a children's adaptation of The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe. Funny, I was far into adulthood before I understood that that beloved book was an allegory. 

For me, the most precious part of that story is how she decided to delay her baptism because my dad had been admitted to the hospital, and she wanted her grandpa to share her special day. Here's an excerpt from the blog entry I wrote on 3/26/12: 

On Saturday morning, I broke the news to Allyson, who was curled up on an easy chair waiting for her breakfast. I rubbed her leg as I explained the situation. "So, if you get baptized tomorrow, Grandpa won't be able to come. And I know he would want to be part of your special day. But you've been waiting a long time. I know you'll be so disappointed if you have to wait even longer."

Her chin quivered, and she heaved a shaky sigh, her eyes downcast.

"What do you think we should do, sweetie?"

Her voice was barely audible. "I think... we should wait... as long as it takes for Grandpa to be there."

"I think that's the best choice. Grandpa will be glad." I rubbed her back. "Now you'd better eat your breakfast and get ready for soccer."

"Will you hold me?"

"You want me to carry you to the table?"

"No, I want you to hold me."

I pulled her onto my lap, and she wrapped her legs around my waist and buried her face in my neck. I squeezed her so close that I felt her rapid heartbeat against my chest. We swayed back and forth as I stroked her hair. I felt almost guilty to be enjoying her so much when she was hurting. Do you think that's how God feels when we go to him with our hurts?

Elementary Years

Allyson learned to love school despite her initial aversion to the rules. She loved all of her teachers and classmates and enjoyed every minute of the field days, school plays, and grandparent days.

With My Parents, 2014

With Bill's Mother, 2015, Best Surprise Ever

Middle School

And then she was in middle school, as impossible as it was to believe. Here she is on a family trip to Indiana in 2018 with her dear friend Kambry.

And here she is during her brief time playing volleyball. She picked it up very quickly and enjoyed it a lot, but she ultimately decided to keep her focus on her first love, soccer. By that time, she had switched over to goal keeping. 

Her middle school years passed even more quickly for me because I was incredibly busy with teaching middle school then. I remember wanting to slow time down, but of course, it continued its relentless trek onward. I blinked, and suddenly Allyson was in high school.

She attended her first semester from home due to the Pandemic, and she hated that.  

Freshman Year

Once she started in person, she dove into the experience with both feet. She particularly enjoyed playing in goal on the varsity team. Her team was terribly outmatched against some of the best high school teams in the country, but she never lost heart as she stopped goal after goal. Even though they never won a game until her senior year, she never failed to give it her all. I could not have been prouder.

She also played select soccer for many years, but the stress and the constant busyness finally wore her down, and she decided to focus on enjoying her last couple years of high school. It was an agonizing decision to leave the team, and I was proud of her for making it. 

License to Drive

Allyson got her license the moment she turned 16. She'd worked hard all summer at her job as a lifeguard to save up $2,000, her portion of the cost of her very own VW Jetta. From that day on, it seemed as if I scarcely saw her. I'm sure many parents can relate. 

Allyson still works for the same company, having worked her way up to a monitor, and then a manager, and finally a lifeguard instructor. I was so proud of her for taking a risk on the instructor training even though she knew that many other guards had failed the rigorous physical and written tests required by the Red Cross. I wasn't surprised when she passed with flying colors and was commended for her ability to do "teachbacks" of the many skills. 

On the Job

Academic Decathlon

One of Allyson's greatest high school achievements was competing in Academic Decathlon. Under her leadership as captain, her team advanced to state. Along the way, competing against over 300 students, she took first-place awards in interview, speech, and music and second-place awards in art and social science.

In a blog entry on 1/31/23, I wrote of her accomplishments: 

I am proud of Allyson for being smart and capable and working hard and doing all the things that she does "right." I am proud of her for persevering when life gets tough. But I am most proud because she is an amazing human being. She is generous, kind, and compassionate. I believe that she will use the gifts God gave her to make an impact on this world, and that will be a beautiful thing to behold.

Graduation

Two weeks ago, my little girl graduated from high school. Here she is with her favorite elementary teacher on the day of her seniors' walk.

In Her First-Grade Classroom

Her graduation ceremony was at 8 a.m. on Memorial Day. I was touched that her brother and sister-in-law would get up so early to drive downtown on a holiday, and I felt blessed that my mom could be there, along with Allyson's Canadian family: both grandparents and an aunt, uncle, and cousin. 

It was a wonderful day, and we enjoyed celebrating with a delicious lunch afterward. 

May 28th

With Her Boyfriend, Tanner

Allyson's Journey Continues

In just three short months, Allyson will be off to Western Washington University, just across the border from Vancouver, where her dad's family lives. She plans to study environmental science, and she is considering becoming a teacher. 

I have no doubt that she will be an amazing teacher, if that is the path she chooses. 

In the meantime, I'm trying to hold onto these last few months with her, but I know they will pass by in a flash. 

Thank you for reminiscing with me and sharing in our joy!