Life in Death - Part 1 of 3

This is the first in a series of three entries about my father's last few days. At the time of this writing, Friday 8/2, I did not know that he was going to die. 

I have to warn you that these entries will be painful to read, as they were to write, but there is beauty in this story. Although Dad was 93 years old and had faced many health issues, his passing still took us by surprise. I think that we don't talk about death enough, probably because we don't like to think about our own mortality. If you choose to read about Dad's courageous battle, I and my family will be honored. 

On the morning of Wednesday, July 31, my father woke up with chest pain, pain in his right arm, and severe nausea. After consulting with my brother Rick and me, Mom called his doctor and then headed to the emergency room. 

Within a few hours, he was diagnosed with an ischemic heart attack. We learned that he had a blood clot in his heart, and his heart function was at 30 percent (50 percent is normal). At that point, he was in stable condition but feeling terrible due to the nausea. However, the medications he received made him much more comfortable by that evening, and it seemed that the heart attack might have been a mild one. They started him on IV heparin to clear the clot, and we settled in to wait for the results of his cardiology consult. 

I wanted to be with Dad, but my sister Amy was staying with me, and I couldn't leave her alone. It would have been difficult to take her with me, and only two people were allowed in the E.R. room, so we said a prayer for him and went to bed, thankful that the attack had been mild and that Rick could stay with him through the evening.

Dad Looks So Strong in this Photo Taken by Rick at 9:05 p.m. on Day 1 of Hospitalization

Tough Decisions

The next morning while I was preparing breakfast, my phone rang. 

"Are you the daughter of Richard D-?" asked a heavily accented, male voice.

The Disastrous Debut of the Dunlap Quartet: Rick's Tribute

Last, but not least, here is the eulogy presented by Dad's only son, Richard Allen.

=================================================================

Most eulogies are a collection of stories about positive aspects of the departed. I’m going to mix things up a little. I am going to start with a story about one of my dad’s flaws: Dad was a terrible singer!

One of my early memories is of me sitting next to my dad in church with him singing old-timey hymns in an extreme off-key manner. I had to plug my ear to block his singing so that I could attempt to sing on-key.

A Dubious Idea

One day, my family was asked to sing for the outreach program at one of the local nursing homes. We knew that this was a bad idea, but felt that we couldn’t say no.  We dutifully practiced our number, but it didn’t matter; we were still terrible. 

When the time came to sing our number for the old folks gathered, we were all very nervous. Melody played the piano while my Dad, Mom, and I “sang.” Well... Dad started to giggle. The giggling spread to Mom and me despite our efforts to suppress it.  Soon, the giggling spread more widely.  Dad tried to stifle the giggle by closing his mouth, but it came out through his nose... along with some other things which hit the top of my head.  Feeling this, I turned around to glare at him. Dad erupted into laughter, followed by Mom, me, and nearly the entire place.  We were unable to finish our song.

Afterwards, a sweet little old lady told us that she really appreciated our number and was greatly touched by it.  I don’t know if she was just being nice, or if she appreciated the comedy.  

That was the end of the Dunlap Family Quartet. We were not destined to be the next Partridge Family.  On the plus side, though, we were never asked to sing again.

Photo Taken a Year or Two After Our Disastrous Debut
Rick, Amy, Sarah, Melody

Carrying on the Family Line

I come from a long line of one-son families, going all the way back to my great grandfather Arthur Dunlap.  My grandfather Arta used to pressure me to “have lots of sons to keep the Dunlap name alive.”  I didn’t do so well because Diane and I only had one son and one daughter.  My son Mitchell and his lovely wife Michelle, however, did a much better job as they have three boys: Miles, Caleb, and Landon. This made my dad very happy.

Our Family Line: Miles, Mitchell, Caleb, Dad, Me

I don’t mean to imply that my dad loved his son more than his four daughters; he most certainly loved all of his children equally.  Dad was just very old-fashioned and believed that a father has a duty to teach his son how to be a man and father. He fulfilled this duty well.

Early to Rise

Dad believed that a man gets up at an insanely early hour, and that he is at least an hour early for work each day (you never know... you could have a flat tire on the way to work). When I was a teenager, he would literally drag me out of bed far earlier than was necessary and frog march me to the table. He would then talk to me and make me breakfast. I may not have appreciated at the time why he did this, but as I matured I began to understand--although I still don’t like to eat breakfast.

From when I was young and on through engineering school, I was lucky enough to work with my father on many jobs. We seem to be our most relaxed and closest when we were working together.  We carried this tradition on throughout my father’s life through completing numerous projects together.

Staying Active in Retirement

After my dad retired, he kept himself busy with projects, odd jobs, and yard mowing. At one point he was mowing multiple yards in addition to his own and mine.

Ready to Get to Work

Dad would show up to mow my yard at around 5:30 or so and wait in his truck until it was light enough to begin mowing. Diane and I would awake to the sound of the lawn mower before it was even fully light outside.  Dad would be finished with the job around the time I would be having my first cup of coffee. He would sit there with me on the patio drinking coffee and discussing things: current events, sports, family, etc.  These are some of my most cherished memories.

As my dad got older and slowed down, he dropped all other mowing jobs except for his own yard and mine. I frequently asked if he was up to mowing my yard. Up until the end he would always say that he was.

At age 91, he went the the VA for a checkup, and his doctor noted that he was in really good shape for a 91-year-old man. She asked what he did to stay so fit. He told her that he mowed yards. She reacted, “Oh my, Mr. Dunlap, you are far too old to be mowing yards. You should have your son mow your yard.” My Dad said that he was afraid to tell the doctor that he mowed his son’s yard too.

Last year when Dad was 92, I could see that he was struggling to mow my yard, and I asked him again if he was still capable of mowing. He answered that perhaps it was time for him to stop. I knew then that as tough and strong as my dad was, time was finally catching up with him in the end.

Dad to the Rescue: Tribute from Melody

Here is the eulogy given by Melody Anne, Dad's firstborn.

================================================================= 

Dad was a carpenter, and loved his work! He was always working on some project at home. He built closets, cabinets, bedrooms, bathrooms, additions. He built at least three bedrooms for me. Dad always let me help with the design. One of my bedrooms had bright pink carpet!

When I was around 17, Dad was removing old living room carpet in preparation for new carpet. As I was walking through the living room to the kitchen, barefoot, I stepped on a rusty old carpet tack. It went all the way into my heel. I started hopping, yelling, and carrying on! Dad and mom, my sisters, (and probably the neighbors) came running to see what happened. 

Dad assessed the situation, left the room, then returned with his HAMMER in his hand! His plan was to use the claw side of his hammer to remove the tack. I had to be held down, but he was successful. He pulled the tack out just like it was a nail in a board.

Portrait from Around that Time

Dad was always willing and eager to help us when we needed him. I was living in North Carolina, and he was living in Indiana, but I needed him. Greg, my two-year-old "Dennis the Menace," dumped a basket full of shell soaps into our toilet bowel. It had melted and solidified like cement. I couldn't pull it out or plunge it down. 

Sean, Greg, Stephen

So... I called Dad!

He told me step by step what to do. I wrote it down, then methodically went down the list: 

1. Buy a new wax seal
2. Turn off and disconnect water supply
3. Flush toilet twice
4. Lift toilet off the floor and place it upside down in the shower
5. Spray hot water into the toilet, using snake to dislodge the soap
6. Place new wax seal on floor
7. Place toilet back on floor
8. Reconnect water supply and turn on water
9. FLUSH

It worked!! And my toilet had never been so clean! 

Thank you, Dad ❣

2023

Cowboy Buddies: Tribute from Amy

Here is the eulogy shared by my older sister Amy Beth, the middle child. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I didn't think I'd have anything to say about Dad, but God brought to mind what I could say about Dad. 

The first thing is Dad was real quiet and didn't talk much, but although he was quiet, he was definitely there. He was always there. He was in the background, but he had a mighty presence in his family. He could always be counted on to be there. He showed his love by doing. He lovingly hung all my pictures and knick-knacks in my apartment. That's what gave him joy. 

The second thing is when I moved to Texas with Mom and Dad. He handed me his razor and said, "You're my barber now." I was scared because I never cut hair before. I did it the first time and found out it wasn't that hard. I cut Dad's hair about every six weeks for three years. That became a special time between Dad and I. I loved cutting Dad's hair. And he loved his time with me. 

Lastly, Dad was an avid Cowboys fan. I was his Cowboys buddy. We watched the Cowboy games together. One of the last games we watched together, I got drowsy and dozed off. My dad got upset and woke me up because he wanted me to watch the game with him. 

I wasn't going to talk about this, but Aunt Sue told me I should. The last time I spent with Dad before he died, I was sitting in the living room with my dad. The last thing my sister Melody told my parents when she dropped me off at my parents' was that I was not supposed to sleep during the day. I got drowsy and went to sleep. Daddy kept poking me with his cane to wake me up. He took his job seriously and kept poking me. He thought it was really funny, which I did not. I was really angry at him. I know he was doing it because he really loved me. But his sense of humor shone through because he loved to tease me. He had a fun loving heart. He was a lot of fun even when he was being annoying.

Dad with His "Poker"
At Granddaughter Erin's Wedding, 2021 

He was a great man and left a huge hole when he left this earth. He's now in heaven, dancing for joy. 

Love you, Dad! Goodbye. 

A Working Man's Hands: Tribute from Emily

I so enjoyed all of the eulogies that I asked my siblings if I could share theirs, too. This one was written by Dad's youngest child, my sister Emily Diane.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Strong, steadfast, faithful, hardworking, dependable, provider, protector, man of integrity, God-fearing. These are just a few of Dad's many virtues.

You might be wondering why Dad is not dressed traditionally in a suit and tie. Well, that's just not who he was. Dad was a hardworking man. He rarely ever wore suits. 

Dad loved the Texas Rangers. He literally cried tears of joy when they won the World Series. Afterwards, I bought him a World Series Champions T-shirt. He was so looking forward to wearing it to a Rangers game this season with Rick, but was called to his heavenly home before he had the chance to wear it. So what could be more fitting than for him to wear it into his eternal rest?

With Son Rick and Grandson Sean

Family was everything to Dad. He was happiest when surrounded by us. Well that, along with watching Newsmax, according to Mom, for eleven hours a day. 

I can see him now, sitting in his old easy chair in the living room, his whole face lighting up upon seeing us enter the room. We were always welcomed with a warm smile, hug, and kiss on the cheek.

With My Son Knox in the Easy Chair

As a little girl, I remember Daddy as a big, strong man with calloused hands; a carpenter with working man's hands. Deep down though, he was a big teddy bear. And as he grew in years, so did his tenderness.

One of my favorite early childhood memories is of him making pancakes for the family. He was always sure to make Sarah and I "Doll pancakes" as he liked to call them. These were tiny drops of pancake batter that dripped onto the griddle, no bigger than the size of a dime or nickel. We would snack on these while we eagerly awaited our pancakes. 

Mom, Dad, Me, Sarah - 1975

Another fond memory I have is as a 6 year-old little girl on Dad's 50th birthday. I made him a homemade birthday card and gifted him with a couple of my Barbie dolls. With a chuckle and genuine gratitude, he pulled me onto his lap and gave me the biggest hug. I'm pretty sure he treasured that gift more than any other he received that year.

And of course I can't forget how when Amy, Sarah, and I were growing up, we were woken up each morning by the sound of Dad's jolly voice, "Get up squirrels, I mean girls!," which always brought a smile to our face.

Dad was goofy and had a great sense of humor. He had the best laugh. A contagious laughter that would spread across the room. 

A favorite memory from recent years is of him telling us about a time when he had made himself a hamburger. He grabbed the mustard from the refrigerator, squeezed it onto his burger, and took a big, juicy bite. "What in the world?!" he exclaimed as he looked down and saw the butterscotch syrup on the counter, which he had grabbed by mistake. "Oh well," he said, and ate it anyway. He got so tickled telling us about it, and the room just burst into laughter.

Dad was a fierce protector. Years before I was born, when Melody, Monica, and Rick were small children, and Mom and Dad lived in California, they were coming home one night, driving through a sketchy part of LA. They came across a chain gang blocking the road and heading straight toward them. Without giving it a second thought, Dad hit the gas and plowed right through them. Being a man of integrity, though, he drove straight to the police station to report what he had done. They said, "Sir, you did the right thing. They would have surely killed you and your family." Dad was a hero.

Monica, Mom, Rick, Melody

I have many more stories and could go on and on about how wonderful Dad was, but it is only fair to give my brother and sisters a chance to share their love as well.

As long as I live, I will share Dad's legacy. And until we meet again, Daddy, I love you. Forever, your Baby Girl.

Tribute from a Daddy's Girl

I have always been a Daddy's girl. During one of our conversations last week, Dad reminded me of his ritual of lying down on the floor next to the heat register for a nap after work and how, as a toddler, I'd lie down right next to him and go to sleep.

1972

Though I can't remember this, I'm told that I loved him so much that he never needed to spank me when I was naughty. All he had to do was frown at me and I would burst into tears. 

There was so much to love about Dad.