Sunday, March 15, 2026

Everyday Treasures

I believe I was literally made to write, and I can't think of anything I love more. Ever since I moved into a refugee community in August, there has been plenty to write about. The only problem is that I've been so busy living that there has been no time to write about living. 

As you may recall, I had reservations about moving into a low-income apartment in a bad part of town, not the least of which was leaving my big, beloved kitchen. In truth, I didn't know the half of the indignities and inconveniences that I would endure here. None of that matters, though. After about eight months in this community, I have to say that I am living my best life. In fact, when Jesus promised to give us abundant life if we follow him, surely this is the kind of life he must have been talking about. 

I don't have time to write all my stories, nor do you have time to read them all. So I've decided to try to paint a few word pictures of the everyday beauty of this precious community, of moments that I will always treasure.

Daily Rhythms

Each night, I fall asleep to muted traffic sounds and the sounds of people right outside my window: shouting children running and playing on the playground and adults laughing and talking in languages I can't understand. At first those sounds made it hard to fall asleep, but now it all reminds me that I am not alone and that this city teems with life.

In the mornings I hear other people's plumbing and cars starting and babies crying. As I open the vertical blinds in my living room to let in the light, I'm sometimes greeted with waves from neighbors climbing into their cars. Often, when I'm racing to the car, carrying my breakfast, Ariana* and Safya's* father and their toddler sister greet me warmly as they exit their car, returning from dropping Ariana at school. Little Fawzia* smiles and waves proudly. "Hi! Hi! Hi!" she repeats as they climb the stairs to their house.

Every morning, I watch for a short, bald African man who looks like he could be in his late sixties. He might be sitting at a picnic table in the covered area right outside my kitchen window, or he might be walking through the complex, or he might be on the sidewalk, returning from a walk down the road I take to the interstate. He doesn't always see me since I'm inside the car, but if he does, I can always count on the same response to my smile and wave: a wide grin and a raised fist pumping the air with the thumbs-up sign. 

I've spoken to him before, but he doesn't speak English. All he ever says to me when he gives that thumbs-up is, "Hello! Good?" 

I raise my own fist and point my thumb to the sky several times. "Good!" I shout. 

A very special morning will include a sighting of Tall Girl with Curly Hair. I think she's about 16. She wears mostly black and carries a backpack. Her shoulders are hunched as if she's trying to make herself look smaller, and her eyes are downcast. Her skin is pale, and her hair is magnificent, tall and very curly, almost an Afro, with a blue streak on one side. I have a feeling she doesn't realize she is beautiful, perhaps because she doesn't fit the mold of what we tend to prize in female features. 

Whenever the timing was just right, I used to see her once in a week or two, passing by as I fumbled to get all my things into my car. I would smile and wave if I had a free hand, but she never looked up to see. One morning shortly before Christmas break, I was thrilled to see her because it had been several weeks and I'd been afraid that she might have moved away. I absolutely could not resist stepping out of the car to call out, "Good morning! Have a great day!" 

She started at the sound of my voice, and her eyes widened in surprise. I think her eyes rolled just a little, not as a cruel gesture, but more like an involuntary revelation of what she must have been thinking: "What's with this middle-aged lady, and why is she talking to me?" 

She didn't speak, but she nodded and smiled grudgingly, the way teenagers often do. My cheeks flooded with heat, and I remembered how years ago, whenever I would greet strangers, Ethan would hiss, "Mama! Don't do that. It's weird."

That was the very last morning that I saw Tall Girl passing down my sidewalk, but sometimes I still see her walking through the playground behind my apartment or walking through the parking lot toward the front gate, which is the only exit for both cars and foot traffic. I realize she probably changed her route to avoid me, but I still grin when I spot her. I resist the urge to roll down the window and wish her a good morning, but I always say out loud, "Have a wonderful day." And then I pray that she will, and that someone will make her feel loved and seen that day. 

As I wind my way through the complex, trying to dodge the ridiculously high speed bumps, I sometimes see some of my students from English class clustered together, walking back from dropping their children at the elementary across the street. Some are dressed all in black, and others wear long, bright, flowing dresses in every hue. Their head coverings are often embroidered with sequins, gems, or tiny mirrors that glint in the morning sun. Many push strollers or clutch their younger children's tiny hands. 

I can't say exactly how I recognize them since most of them wear surgical masks, so that only their warm, brown eyes are visible. For them, I often do roll down my window and shout a good morning, and they reward me with delighted smiles that crinkle their eyes. If my car is close enough, I can hear their heavily accented "good mornings" in reply.

Sunday, January 25, 2026

Remembering Carol Jean

 Last Saturday, my family and I attended a memorial service for my father's sister, Aunt Carol Jean. It was a beautiful service, and I was happy that my mom, my siblings, and I had been able to fly up to Indiana despite heavy snow in the north. 

Gathered in a meeting room in the retirement center where she had lived for decades, we listened to many heartwarming stories from her 96 years of life. Here is what I shared...

One thing I remember about Aunt Carol is being shocked to learn that she was the only person I'd ever met who could eat as much homemade ice cream as I could. Both of us had good eating habits, and we loved talking about healthy recipes, especially gluten-free breads and desserts. Still, we both lost all control when the ice cream freezer came out at family reunions. Even though we knew we would suffer a lot of discomfort for it, we each decided it was worth it to indulge in one, two, three bowls of ice cream covered in Aunt Carol's decadent homemade fudge sauce. 

I got close to Aunt Carol after staying with her in her apartment at the retirement center on a couple of trips to Indiana. My favorite part of those stays was playing Scrabble with her and Aunt Donna, her younger sister. Although I have a great vocabulary and like to think I'm pretty intelligent, playing with Aunt Carol was humbling, to say the least. I might as well have been a beginning reader compared to her. [Listening to Aunt Donna's tribute at the service helped my self-esteem. It turns out that Aunt Carol had played as many as three Scrabble games per day!]

When I went through very hard times during my divorce, I confided in my aunt, often via email. She always had an encouraging verse and prayer for me, and she was faithful to lift me up in prayer for as long as I needed it. I wish I could remember exactly what she said to me. One thing I do remember is that she urged me to read the book of John all in one sitting. She said it would help me understand Jesus's love. I took her advice, and she was right: ever since that day, I have thought of myself as Sarah, the woman Jesus loves. 

I will miss Aunt Carol, especially when I'm eating homemade ice cream. But it gives me great joy to picture her in heaven with her brother, my father, who died about a year and a half ago. Aunt Carol always referred to the day of her husband's death as Uncle Roy's heavenly birthday. I'm very happy that my dad was there to celebrate with her on her own heavenly birthday. 

Aunt Donna, Dad, Aunt Carol Jean (When the Sisters Visited Texas)

Beautiful Brokenness

There was much to admire in Aunt Carol's life. I heard stories of her and Uncle Roy serving in Ecuador and Nigeria as missionaries, of her winning state tennis tournaments into her forties, and of her stepping out of her comfort zone to take on a leadership role at the retirement center. I also heard how she had been a tireless advocate for her son who had a disability, and how she and Aunt Donna encouraged one another when each battled breast cancer, at ages 68 and 69. 

In his tribute, my cousin René admitted that he had longed for a closer adult relationship with both of his parents. A lot of the difficulty had arisen due to geographical distance, but in later years he lived close to them, yet still did not develop the closeness he craved. Although René didn't hide his regrets, he placed no blame. Instead, he shared a tender story of how his mother comforted him when he suffered a disappointment during childhood, and he talked of her accomplishments and strengths. 

He concluded by acknowledging that often our family relationships are imperfect because we are imperfect people. Even though we may not experience the intimacy that we long for on this earth, we have assurance of healing and wholeness when we meet our loved ones again in heaven.

René's words moved me to tears, though I could not say whether they were happy tears or sad. It was just beautiful to hear someone share the truth about the messiness of family connections, and to see how he honored his mother's memory by choosing to focus on her strength and faithfulness. 

I left that service with a renewed appreciation for my own family, and a determination to cultivate more fulfilling relationships by accepting my loved ones as they are.

My Grandfather Arta, Aunt Carol, Aunt Donna, Dad, Grandma Belva

Aunt Carol was a year older than Dad, and 13 years older than their sister Donna. You can read more about Dad's family in the book of memoirs that I edited for him and Mom. 


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