Monday 9/22/08
It was 10:30 when Bill sat down by me and turned on the television. I asked him to turn it off, and he looked as nervous as I felt. I told him why I'd been feeling sad, and I cried quite a bit. I told him my insecurities feel much worse lately, and it feels dangerous....
We talked for about 30 minutes, and I don't know that we got anywhere.... We agreed that we do have different love languages. He asked me to put myself in his place. As difficult as I find it to think of and carry out loving acts of service, he finds it just as hard to speak words of admiration. We agreed that we need to plan more date nights, and he suggested that we start saying no to some things on the weekends.
Bill reassured me that he loves me just as I am, that he's not going to be scared off by my emotional outbursts. I told him I want to love him with Christ's love, which is patient and kind and not jealous or anxious.
I felt hopeful after our talk, and the hurt had receded. It was a relief to get it all off my chest, and the torrent of tears left me ready to sleep like a baby.
My last question was, "Is this what you pictured when you imagined marriage?""Oh yeah," he said sarcastically, but not unkindly.
"I mean, did you think we'd just live happily ever after?"
"This is happily ever after," he replied. "You just don't realize it yet."
You know, I think he's right. Love isn't just being wildly passionate with each other. It's loving each other from day to day, in happiness and sadness. It's being free to be my basket-case self and knowing my husband will love me anyway. It's snuggling in his strong arms when we finally crawl into bed, little leftover sobs escaping now and then. Yes, I think this is happily ever after indeed.
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