Why Would I Want to Be Normal?

I've been living out a crazy adventure the last few days that I never could have predicted. It started on Saturday morning, when I was watching a playlist that God had queued up for me on YouTube. For the last several Saturdays, I've been multitasking by listening to various preachers to redeem the time spent on dishes and laundry.

The first video was a teaching from one of my favorite Bible study teachers, Priscilla Shirer. As always, God had arranged just the messages I needed to hear, rather like an extension of our earlier conversation in my prayer closet. Through the familiar story of Jesus feeding the 5000, Priscilla taught these truths:

• When Jesus told his exhausted disciples to come away with him, they didn't just go on vacation. On their quiet getaway with their teacher, they encountered a multitude waiting for them. So they continued to work alongside Him, and that shared ministry is where they found their rest.
  
  This echoed what God has been telling me about how I can find rest in the middle of all the stresses of my very demanding teaching job. Though I don't always have time for physical repose, I can always come to Him with my heavy burdens and find rest for my soul  (Matthew 11:28).
• When the disciples saw the hunger of the multitude, they asked Jesus to send them away so that they could find something to eat. Instead, Jesus told them, "They do not need to go away. You give them something to eat."
  
  Priscilla invited me to think about the multitude around me, the ones who make me feel overwhelmed with their impossible needs. Of course, I thought of my 97 students. She suggested that though I may be tempted to ask God to take away my personal multitude, God has sent me into this impossible situation because I am His plan for them, and His provision and glory will be revealed through me.
  
  The disciples' response was remarkably similar to my own: "We have here only five loaves of bread and two fish." How could they feed such a crowd with those meager resources? And how can I even begin to address all the spiritual and physical needs represented in my classroom... when I feel so inadequate?
• Priscilla's next point addressed that concern. In Jesus's hands, the impossibly tiny supply was more than enough to meet the needs. Not only did they feed the 5000 men, along with their women and children, but they even took home 12 baskets full--one basket per disciple! 

To sum it up, Priscilla said that Jesus's plan for the disciples, and for us is:

1. He called them to a purpose only they could fulfill.
2. He gave them power and authority to accomplish what they could not do through their own abilities.
3. He sent them out to do His work.

For me, the most moving part of the message was a story she shared about the sudden death of her cousin, at age 38. She said that we may think we have lots of time to fulfill God's calling, when actually we could have very little. Life is too short to waste time, she said. Whatever God has given us to do, we should feel an urgency to do it now, and even if fear tells us the job is too hard for us, we can't let that stop us. If we say yes to God's call, we can be certain that He will equip us. 

The next message that thrilled my heart while I folded a pile of laundry was from Dr. Caroline Leaf, who created the 21-Day Detox program that I told you about in my last entry. This was quite a different message, and yet the Holy Spirit brought it together with the words He'd just spoken through Priscilla Shirer, giving sharper focus to the call that He has on my life. 

Dr. Leaf talked about how our brains are wired for love, and we are designed for relationship. Nearly all of the problems in our society, she said, are caused because too many people lack a sense of identity. They have no idea who they are and why they are here, and they are searching for meaning in the wrong places. She challenged us to live out God's nature: 

He sees. He listens. He hears.

Most of us are so wrapped up in our own longings, fears, and struggles that we don't even see those other people, let alone perceive their hurts. But that's not what we were made for. The solution is to be saturated with God's intense love, so that we can share that love with the ones who need it so desperately. That is what they are looking for, she said. When we reach out in love, people are drawn to us, and to Jesus in us. 

Immediately, the faces of some of my most challenging students came to mind, and I thought of Priscilla's urgent admonition to go out and do the work that only I can do. 

Aloud, I said, "God, you have put me in a position to speak life, and to show your love. What a privilege!" I asked Him to help me take my eyes off my problems and to fix my gaze on Him instead. "Saturate me with your love," I prayed. "Help me to see, to listen, to hear... whoever you put in my path."

I was thinking of my students, but during a trip to the bank just a few minutes later, God helped me widen my perspective. 

Having been delayed by two fascinating YouTube messages, I arrived just minutes before closing time and ended up being the last customer. I was glad when one of my favorite tellers waited on me, both because of his warm smile and because I knew he wouldn't be confused by my seemingly bizarre request for cash in various denominations. On a previous visit, I'd explained the cash budget system that I learned from Dave Ramsey.

Though a mere 15 minutes had passed since I'd been captivated by Dr. Leaf's eloquent call to love others, I have to confess that I did not really see the young man serving me just then. My mind was already on my next errand.

I didn't hear him, either, until I realized that he was complimenting my new hairstyle... quite lavishly. Gesturing to his own cheek bone, he said he liked the way the short style suits my facial features.

"Well... thank you," I stammered, feeling my cheeks flush.

"What is that cut called?" he asked.

"It's a pixie cut," I said, and then I told him how I'd rashly decided to cut my hair off after a particularly hard day in the classroom.

Me, The Hair Style, and a Sweet Selfie-Bomber

Although by now it was past closing time, he asked me how long I'd been teaching.

"It's my second year back, but I first became a teacher over 20 years ago," I explained. "I gave up on it after I had my first baby, because the job was just too hard." 

He asked about my last job, and I described the cush position that I left behind to follow this crazy path. "I got to work from home as an instructional designer. The pay was great, the hours were flexible, and I was really, really good at what I did," I said wistfully. 

"Then why did you leave?" he asked.

I hesitated, looking up at the ceiling as I considered my reply. I figured that the script for a bank line conversation is supposed to go something like this: 

Darwin: Hi, how are you?
Sarah: I'm fine, thank you. How are you?
Darwin: Good! How can I help you today?

[Sarah asks for a sheet of scratch paper and writes down the denominations that she needs, and then swipes her debit card.

Darwin counts and recounts the cash, then counts it out into Sarah's waiting hand.] 

Darwin: Is there anything else I can help you with today?
Sarah: No, thank you. Have a good weekend. [alternate salutation: Have a happy New Year.]
Darwin: You too!

That is how normal people talk to an acquaintance during a business transaction. But something clicked in me, just then. I'm not sure whether I consciously thought about the messages from Priscilla and Dr. Leaf, but I do know that I deliberately deviated from the script. 

"I did it because..." For the first time in our two-minute conversation, I looked into Darwin's warm brown eyes. "...God called me to do it. It's the craziest thing I've ever done in my life, but... I think it's going to be one of the most amazing things, too. I've battled fear a lot, fear of failure. But God is doing an amazing work in me." 

Darwin grinned broadly and leaned closer to me, his voice barely above a whisper. "Isn't it amazing the way God speaks to us? We can actually hear His voice! There was a time when I was far from Him, but He spoke to me and turned my life around."

He went on to describe how God is setting him free from sins that have bound his family for generations. 

"It's like almost like you are starting a new generation," I said excitedly. "Your children will have a different inheritance. You are sowing good seeds, and you will reap a good harvest." 

"Yes!" he exclaimed, and then lowered his voice again. "It's like... God is the author of our story."

"Yes, He is. Are you familiar with Psalm 139?" I asked. He shook his head. "It's my favorite chapter. In it, David says that all of our days were written in His book before one of them came to be." 

"Oh, I love that!" he said. "My favorite verse is John 15:5. I'd tell you, but I only know it in Spanish." 

"Actually, I speak Spanish," I said. "Well, I'm still learning." 

"The verse is about staying connected to God, because apart from Him we can do nothing."

"Yes, I love that verse," I replied. "I have to remind myself of it every day. I can do nothing in my own power." 

"Where do you go to church?" Darwin asked, and I told him. He told me the name of his own church, Palabra Viva (Living Word). 

"The service is in Spanish," he said.

"Maybe I'll visit," I said. "I've actually been looking for a Spanish-speaking church, so I can practice my Spanish. I can read, write, and speak it, but I have a terrible time understanding it." 

"Yes, do come and visit!" he said. He wrote down the address for me.

"Okay," I said, turning to go. 

"Wait," he said, holding out my cash. 

I laughed. "Oh, don't want to forget that!" 

Darwin then showed me a picture of his fiancée, whom he wants me to meet, and finally wished me Happy New Year.

I couldn't stop smiling as I waited to be let out of the front door, and as I drove on to my favorite organic grocery store. This must have been what Dr. Leaf had meant about seeing and hearing and loving others. This was the connection she had described, the love that binds the whole universe together.

Why should it feel abnormal to talk about God's Spirit in the bank line? I wondered. What could be more natural than talking with a brother about the love of our Father? 

"God, I don't want to be normal," I said.

Within a few hours, though, I began to have second thoughts about the whole experience. How could I be friends with a young man only a few years older than my own son? People might think.... Eww! Further, could I really show up at a church full of strangers who speak a different language than me? Surely it would be safer to stay where it's comfortable, where life is predictable, if rather boring.

"Lord, thank you for being my gatekeeper," I prayed at bedtime. "You know the hearts of every person, and I trust you to bring all of the friends that you have chosen for me into my life. So, should I go to this church tomorrow?"

I didn't hear any specific answer, so I decided to sleep on it. If I still wanted to go to Palabra Viva in the morning, then I would consider it "una gran aventura."

To be continued....