Pages Yet to be Turned

After our first phone call, Juan and I talked every day, sometimes for hours. Each conversation ended with a bilingual prayer, and always we declared blessings over each other and over our children. The most beautiful blessing that Juan prayed was something like this: 

Padre, yo pongo Sarah y sus hijos en sus manos. Gracias que ellos son cubierto con el sangre de Jesus, con una valla de angeles alrededor de ellos. (Father, I place Sarah and her children in your hands. Thank you that they are covered with the blood of Jesus, with a fence of angels surrounding them.)

I can't share the details here, but a few days later, I saw evidence that God was answering that prayer, and I was so grateful to have someone praying for our protection.

When we talked about starting a relationship, I warned Juan that I would surely struggle with many insecurities; he would be the first person I'd dated since my divorce six years ago. "I don't want you to be my practice boyfriend," I said. 

"Do you think you're ready for a relationship?" he asked.

I hesitated for a couple of breaths. "Yes... I believe I am, but I know I will need God's help. While I've been single, I've felt content and secure. My life has seemed safe and predictable, and I've been too busy with being a single mom and a teacher to think about what might be in my heart. But being in a relationship brings my old hurts and fears to the surface. It's going to be messy and scary and painful for me, but I believe that I'm ready to face those fears and find my security in God."

I made Juan a promise that night, and God has reminded me of it several times since then: "No matter how much I struggle with my insecurities, I promise not to run away. I might walk away if God tells me to, but I'm not going to run away because of fear."

The first time that I was tempted to run away was two days before our first date. During one of those very long phone conversations, we found that our opinions were sharply divided on an issue that felt very important to both of us. Although we treated each other with respect and listened to each other's views, we could not come to an agreement. Naturally, each of us believed that we were right, and we got defensive with each other.

This seemed like too much drama, and I felt very unsure of our future. "Are we done?" I asked at one point. "Do you still want to go out?"

For the second time in three days, the line went very silent. After a few moments, Juan replied, "Remember that we wanted to become friends first."

"Yes."

"Let's pray," he suggested. Once again, I was distracted, but this time I wasn't thinking about his sexy voice. I was thinking that this whole thing had probably been a mistake. But my attention was recaptured when I caught these words: "hambre y sed (hunger and thirst)."

The hair on my arms stood on end. During the worship service the day before, I had prayed that God would cause Juan and me to hunger and thirst for more of him. I had never uttered those words out loud, only whispered them in my heart. Now Juan was praying exactly the same thing, only in Spanish.

I knew that the Holy Spirit was speaking to both of us, and I felt peace with continuing the relationship.

Juan also prayed that when we had different points of view, God would show us His point of view. 

Our first date was a delight from start to finish. The fun actually began the day before, when my students demanded to know the reason that I couldn't stop smiling. I confessed that I was going on my first date.

"What will you wear?" Destiny asked.

"I don't know. I think it's going to be pretty casual, so I don't want to feel overdressed. Maybe I'll wear jeans and a nice blouse," I said.

"No, miss. You have to wear a dress on your first date," another student said. Several others agreed strongly, even the boys.

"I think you should wear those dangly earrings that you wore last week," Destiny advised.

"Also, you should paint your nails," another girl added.

I promised to wear a dress, fix my hair, paint all of my nails, and wear jewelry that accessorized with my clothes.

The next day, I realized that I had forgotten how to paint my nails. It had been years since I'd bothered with that.

Here is how my toes turned out:

Aiyee! Clearly, this was a job best left to the professionals.

I grabbed some money from the Miscellaneous envelope and rushed over to the cheap nail salon just around the corner.

Despite the best efforts of the massage chair, my whole body tensed with anxiety. Would it be possible to get all ten digits painted and dried within 30 minutes? 

Yes! My technician worked with superhuman speed and accuracy. Here is the final result:

I had just enough time to race back by the house and put on the cute earrings that I'd bought during my vacation in Florida.

I met Juan at his work around 2:30. I was glad I had taken my students' advice; he said that I was stunning. 

First, we headed to one of my favorite Mexican restaurants. Between smiling at each other and holding hands across the table, we managed to eat a few chips with salsa. Later, we shared some really excellent fajitas--not quite as good as the ones that Juan makes, apparently--but I was too excited to eat much.

We took this selfie...

We are not so good at selfies! 

...and then headed to Starbucks for even more conversation.

After that, we went to church, because it was a Wednesday. 

After the service, we had our first McDonald's date sans chaperone. We'd already had coffee and lots to eat, so all we ordered was two bottled waters. I don't know why that should have mattered to the clerk, but she practically glared at us. Maybe it was because we were flirting like teenagers.

Just like he does every Wednesday, Juan showed me his sermon notes and explained the context of the stories that made everyone except me laugh. For example, he explained why the pastor was talking about a dog and slapping the back of his knees: he was talking about the time he quit a job and then went back like a dog with its tail between its legs. 

"Oohhh," I said, as all of the Spanish words I'd recognized came together like pieces of a puzzle.

We ended our evening with our first prayer together, in person. My heart was full as we held hands and once again put our new relationship in God's hands.

Our first hug was pretty wonderful, too.

Our next three dates (on Thursday, Friday, and Sunday) all included church services. My favorite was the pre-Easter service at my church. At Palabra Viva, Juan and the other church leaders usually stand along the sides of the church; we don't get to sit together there.

At my church, we loved worshiping side by side, and then listening to the sermon together.

Afterward, Juan reacted with his typical passion. "I love it! I really like your church."

"Did you enjoy worshiping God in English?" I asked.

"Siiii! I understood everything."

We particularly enjoyed discussing an illustration that the senior pastor had shared, about a trip with his family to California for a conference followed by a trip to Disneyland. Unaware of their upcoming excursion to Disney, his children complained incessantly of boredom during the conference. But in the moment when they realized their final destination, their joy was all the more intense.

Our lives are like that trip, Pastor Stephen explained. Sometimes life is boring, or painful, and we don't understand the purpose for our struggles. But all the while, God is getting us ready for the real destination, our Disneyland. 

Juan and I wondered what our Disneyland might look like. Would God allow us to go there together?

The next day, tears filled my eyes when I found a similar message in a birthday card from my big sister Melody:

She was living the story God had written for her, and there were pages yet to be turned... filled with beautiful things.

With God's help, Melody had chosen a card that was inscribed with my life verse:

All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. (Psalm 139:16)

In this new chapter of my life, my heart is open to receive every blessing that God has for me. Some experiences will feel like blessings and others will not, but I know that God is faithful to use all of them for my good.

Disneyland, here I come!

This was taken during our date this past Friday, one day before I left for a month in Costa Rica.