Simply Wonderful

Last Saturday, the day of Ethan and Sumer's wedding, dawned chilly and overcast. Though it had seemed quite bearable when I arrived late in the morning, the temperature began dropping as sunset approached. By four o'clock, it was cold enough to set my teeth chattering despite the beautiful winter white coat I'd borrowed from my sister Emily, but I was grateful that at least it wasn't raining.

As Sumer slowly walked from the bridal suite toward the outdoor ceremony area, I asked to carry her train. I'd already extricated a leaf or two from the lacy hem, and I wanted it to be pristine when she walked down the aisle. At my side was Ethan's stepmother, Erica. Tottering over the paved walkway on numb toes in my unaccustomed heels, I alternated between worrying about breaking an ankle and savoring the gathering of in-laws, exes, and ex-laws to honor and celebrate with two young people whom we all loved.

At that moment, Allyson hurried around the corner in her own unaccustomed heels and a beautiful full-length, velvety green dress. "Mama," she called urgently. "Where have you been? You're the first to go down the aisle!" 

"What? I'm part of the procession?" 

"Yes! Ethan is walking you and Sumer's mom down the aisle first. Hurry up!" 

Reluctantly, I released Sumer's train to drag in the dirt and shuffled as quickly as my numb toes would allow. Even more reluctantly, I shrugged out of the coat and draped it over my elbow. I'd briefly contemplated wearing it down the aisle, but I could hear Emily's adamant voice in my head: Take that off! We didn't spend an hour and a half trying on 20 dresses for you to cover your dress up with a coat!

I made my way to the front of the green and maroon procession and hooked my left arm through Ethan's waiting elbow. On his other arm was Sumer's mom, who wore a burgundy dress in a similar shade to my own. We couldn't have coordinated so well even if we'd planned it.

We walked down the aisle to the strains of one of the Star Wars movie themes (not the Darth Vader theme!) The song was regal and fitting, and I loved it that Ethan and Sumer had planned this event with such personal flair. During that short walk, I scanned the small crowd and took in the friendly faces of loved ones who'd traveled from as far as Canada to share in this celebration. I imagined I could read their thoughts: how could sweet little Ethan be a not only a man, but also a husband? 

At the front, Ethan hugged me tightly and kissed my cheek, and then he did the same with Lisa. I sniffled as I took my seat next to my parents on the front row.

My eyes got mistier as I watched my beautiful daughter walk down the aisle, tall and graceful, and take her place along with the other bridesmaids. On the other side of the platform, the groom and his four attendants looked handsome in their khaki pants and white cotton shirts. Ethan had decided against wearing tuxedos or suits because it was his wedding, and he doesn't like them. 

The music changed then to a romantic song I'd never heard called "Saving Grace," with sweet lyrics set to acoustic guitar. Ethan's father Byron, who was officiating, directed us to stand. How beautiful Sumer looked with her upswept hair and flowing lace gown, her expression both shy and radiant. If any leaves were tangled in her train, surely no one could have noticed. 

I turned to steal a glance at Ethan and saw immediately that his eyes brimmed with tears. Never had I seen such a broad smile on his face, and my heart swelled with gratitude that he had found a woman who could bring him such joy.

By now my own eyes overflowed with tears, and I discovered that Allyson, too, was crying as she looked back and forth between Sumer, her brother, and me. I touched my heart as I reveled in the strength of our little family's bond. For a moment, I thought of the devastation I'd felt when divorce separated our family. Now, I realized how wrong I'd been to think that the strength of a family's love could be broken so easily. 

Before I sat down, I slipped gratefully back into my sister's coat. Then I pressed close to my daddy and pulled the corner of the blanket he shared with Mom over my bare knees.  

I must confess that I was nervous over Byron performing the ceremony. If he'd ever married anyone before, I wasn't aware of it. I needn't have worried, though. The ceremony was short and sweet. My favorite part was when he said we could look to the Bible to understand what love looks like, and then he read a portion of 1 Corinthians 13. 

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

I prayed silently that God would help this couple—and the rest of us—to love each other like that.

After offering a short, heartfelt prayer, Byron proudly presented the young Mr. and Mrs. O.

While we waited for family pictures for several agonizing minutes, I enjoyed talking with Ethan's Nana (Linda) and Papa Ronnie, his Aunt Dawn, and his cousins, who had also turned into grown-ups in the blink of an eye. I parted with my coat long enough to pose for a few pictures with Ethan, Sumer, Allyson, and Byron, and then I hurried to the reception hall.

While I waited in line for tacos and some sort of soup, I caught up with Sandi, Allyson's grandmother on her dad's side and Ethan's former step grandmother. I teared up as I told her how much it meant that she would fly down from Vancouver to share Ethan's special day. She smiled and told me not to make her cry. 

I shared a table with Sandi, my two ex husbands, Byron's wife, and my sister Amy; Allyson ate with the bridal party. Just behind me was my other ex mother-in-law (Linda), her husband, and my former stepsister-in-law Rhonda. Again, I reveled in the love all of us shared for Ethan and his new wife.

First Dance

Those warm feelings ebbed a bit during Sumer's sweet dance with her father, who seemed to know how to dance. I'm thankful that a guest captured their dance on video because I couldn't properly enjoy their smiles and laughter in the moment, nor the way he spun her gracefully. My mouth was too dry and my palms too sweaty to feel anything except anxiety bordering on panic. 

All to soon, the music ended, and Ethan gave me an empathetic look from across the dance floor. He smiled resolutely and beckoned me with a barely perceptible nod.

I walked on wooden, stilted feet to the center of the floor and took his hand. "I chose "Simple Man," by Lynyrd Skynyrd for our dance," he said. "It's a mother's advice to her son about life. I told the DJ it might be a little cheesy, but he said it was perfect." 

"Then I will be sure to listen to the words," I said. But I didn't. Not until he sent me the link the next day. 

The next thing Ethan said, while looking into my eyes, was "I really love you." Now I was really crying; those tears when Sumer came down the aisle had just been a warmup. I hugged Ethan tightly and buried my head in his shoulder for a moment. 

"I'm so proud of you," I said as soon as I could speak. "You're going to be a great husband."

We swayed back and forth like kids at a junior-high dance. "I'm such a bad dancer," Ethan said.

"Yeah, me too," I replied, and we burst out laughing. "It's actually very nice," I said. "I can't believe this is our very first dance."

"It is? You mean, we didn't even dance when I was a little boy?"

"No, I don't think so. But we should do this again sometime."

"Yes," he agreed. 

"Are you ready to be a grandma?" he asked.

I smiled. "I'm ready if you guys are ready. No rush, but whenever you're ready, I'm ready." One milestone at a time, I thought. I just now became a mother-in-law!

Although I wanted to savor every moment, the song still seemed endless. About three minutes in, Ethan said, "Man, this is a long song! Usually they use a shorter version of songs for these dances, but this feels like the extended version." 

"Yeah," I agreed. "Oh, I am such a bad dancer." 

We laughed some more, and I decided I didn't care if we were awkward and stiff and everyone was watching us. I would do it again, even if I had the choice. 

Still, I can't put into words just how relieved I was to sink back into my seat when the song finally ended. 

A few minutes later, snuggled under a blanket, I watched Allyson smiling and dancing with her dear cousin Halle and thought it would be very nice to dance with her, too. A moment later, she motioned me over with a wave of her hand. I set my blanket aside and met her on the floor.

Allyson and Me

The first thing she said while we danced was, "My dad was telling me that we really need to teach Ethan some moves. You guys looked really stiff out there."

I sighed. "I thought we didn't do so bad," I said. 

"Yeah, it was fine," she said.

"You look beautiful," I said. 

"So do you. Now, take two steps left... and two steps back.... You know, it's easier if you kind of lead with your hip instead of your foot."

"I guess that makes sense," I said. "But I think it's pretty hopeless. Did I ever tell you about the time your dad and I took ballroom dancing lessons? We went once a week for four weeks, or maybe six. And we were supposed to practice at home, but..." 

"You didn't practice?"

"Well, we tried, but we just couldn't get it. Your dad laughed so hard because it was the first time he ever heard me say the F word. I think we were trying to do the tango." 

She laughed. 

"Are you having fun?" I asked. 

"Yes, lots!" 

Joy!

I decided to focus on that rather than wallow in embarrassment over my public failure as a dancer. I was surrounded with family, including my dear Aunt Judy who traveled all the way from Indiana and two talented seven-year-old nephews having the time of their lives on the dance floor (Miles and Kyle). A lovely new daughter had been added to my family, and my usually reserved son was circulating among all the guests, his face lit up with the most joyous smile. 

Ethan and Paige, a Bridesmaid and Friend 
See That Expression of Pure Contentment?

This beautiful moment that I admired with Ethan's new mother-in-law Lisa is a memory that I never want to forget:

Last Dance

My impeccably painted toes may have been frozen, but my heart was toasty. A day couldn't get any better than this. 

One More Milestone

By the time the happy couple had run out under an archway of long sparklers that made my heart pound with anxiety, it was only a little after 8. We were an hour's drive from home, but Amy and I decided to join our parents and my oldest sister Melody's family at a Waffle House that was sort of on the way home. 

As we walked up the ramp to the restaurant, Allyson drove up with Halle. "Oh, Mama! I didn't know you were coming," she called out. "I'm glad you're here."

I smiled broadly at this warm welcome. "I'm glad you're-"

"...because I left my debit card at home," she went on. 

"You're glad I'm here so I can pay for your food?" I asked.

"Well... I am glad you're here, but... yeah." 

Crammed into a booth next to her and Halle, I told this little story to Halle's father, my nephew Stephen, who has three teenagers. 

Me with One of Stephen's Teenagers, My Great Nephew Simon

"I understand," he said with a laugh. 

While we waited for the waitress to take our order, I asked Allyson how to take off my false lashes. "They won't pull my eyelashes out, will they?"

"No, they're glued on right above your lash line. Here, let me do it." I flinched as she briskly pulled the lashes off, but it didn't hurt. Back in my worn blue jeans and my own rather worn coat, I felt a little like Superman must have felt when he turned back into Clark Kent. 

I folded the lashes into a napkin and surveyed the menu for the least unhealthy option. "I'll have a side of hash browns and some decaf coffee," I said to the waitress. 

"You should just get the senior plate, hon'," she advised. "You get the hash browns, an egg, and coffee. It'll be cheaper."

The senior plate! But I'm only... 52 and a half, I thought. Technically, I guess I am almost a senior citizen. I did get my AARP card (without asking for it) two years ago. 

"Okay, sure. I'll take the senior plate." 

As soon as she'd walked away, I said, "I can't believe she offered me the senior plate. I guess that's two milestones in one day." 

A Simple Man

The next day, I listened to the song Ethan had chosen for our dance. "Come sit beside me, my only son, and listen closely to what I say.... Troubles will come, and they will pass.... Baby, be a simple kind of man... something you love and understand." (Lynyrd Skynyrd, "Simple Man," 1973 Geffen Records)

As I relived every part of Ethan's wedding day, I realized that he had followed this advice exactly. He and Sumer had chosen to keep some traditions and ignore others. They had chosen the music, food, and clothing that they loved. They didn't worry about impressing anyone, just made sure to create an environment where they could enjoy time with family and friends that they loved. 

It was a simply wonderful wedding, perfectly fitting for a simple man who is content with the things that really matter. I couldn't be prouder.