Homegoing - Part 3 of 3

When the sun finally came up on Sunday, August 4, Dad made signs asking me for his glasses and hearing aids. I helped him turn the hearing aids on, but I couldn't figure out how to put them in. His hands trembled so much that it took him about ten minutes to get them positioned properly, and in the correct ears. The whole time he labored over that task, I prayed that God would guide his fingers because without those hearing aids, he is deaf.

When the hearing aids were in, I reread the verses from Sam, Melody, and Amy and then read two more verses I'd found in my devotional that day:

"Peace I leave with you, My peace I give you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." John 15:27 

"The LORD's unfailing love surrounds the one who trusts in Him." Psalm 32:10

The day nurse, a woman we hadn't seen before, brought Dad his pills, but he simply shook his head.

"He can't swallow now because of his swollen tongue," I explained. "Is there some other way he could get his medication? Maybe an injection? He wasn't able to take his anti-arrhythmic last night."

"I'll ask the doctor," she said.

"And what about water? He's really dehydrated. Maybe that's part of the problem with his tongue. Would it be possible to give him some IV fluids?" 

"His latest labs showed reduced kidney function," she said. "If we give him too much fluid, it will build up in his lungs again."

"He's really suffering," I said.

Again, she promised to talk to the doctor.

Love Across the Miles

Around 7:30, Dad managed to communicate, with much effort, that he wanted to call his younger sister Donna. I handed him his phone, and he pressed the large icon on the home screen labeled Donna. When I saw that the call had been answered, I spoke into the microphone. 

"Aunt Donna," I explained, "Dad can't speak because his tongue is swollen, but he can hear you. I can't hear you because the sound is going into his hearing aids, but he can hear you. Would you please talk to him and pray for him?"

I couldn't hear her answer, but I could hear her voice emanating faintly from Dad's hearing aids. As she spoke, I leaned close to his ear and picked up a few words: "Dear brother... Heavenly Father, wrap your arms around him... in your love." 

Dad smiled and grunted to let her know he was listening. After a couple of minutes, he motioned for me to disconnect.

We called his older sister, Carol Jean, next. I couldn't hear her voice at all, but whatever she said seemed to soothe him. 

The Longest Night - Part 2 of 3

Friday, August 2

On Friday night, Dad's third night in the hospital, my brother Rick and I sat side by side watching him sleep peacefully. I leaned close to Rick and lowered my voice. "I'm kind of scared that Dad might pass away while I'm with him. I've never been with a person when they died. I want to be with him, but I'm also afraid."

Rick said he understood. He talked with me about his daughter Mindy's passing, and how it had been very difficult for him, but much more peaceful for his wife Diane. 

After I left the hospital, I prayed, "Lord, if you want me to be the one with Dad if he dies, I'm willing." I felt my heart accelerating. "But please, I'm afraid. Please help me be strong if that happens." 

Hopes Raised – Saturday, August 3

On Saturday morning, Dad felt so good that when he phoned Rick, he sounded just like his old self. His vitals were stable, his coloring was good, and the doctors began talking about moving him out of ICU. He'd been asking for food for the last 24 hours, which we thought was a good sign. Unfortunately, due to difficulty swallowing from his previous esophagectomy, along with his current pneumonia, the risk of aspiration was too great. Therefore, he needed a swallow study before he could resume eating, and that apparently could not be arranged before the coming Monday. So gnawing hunger was added to the list of discomforts he must bear.

As I sat with Rick in Dad's room that evening, we expressed a shared hope that he might be able to go home, just as he had after his esophagectomy, multiple bouts of pneumonia, an obstructed bowel, and a bleeding ulcer. "It's almost like Dad has nine lives," I whispered. 

Shortly after Rick left, however, I got the first sign that all was not well. Dad's speech sounded slurred, though his mind was sharp as ever. He's just tired, I assured myself. 

Life in Death - Part 1 of 3

This is the first in a series of three entries about my father's last few days. At the time of this writing, Friday 8/2, I did not know that he was going to die. 

I have to warn you that these entries will be painful to read, as they were to write, but there is beauty in this story. Although Dad was 93 years old and had faced many health issues, his passing still took us by surprise. I think that we don't talk about death enough, probably because we don't like to think about our own mortality. If you choose to read about Dad's courageous battle, I and my family will be honored. 

On the morning of Wednesday, July 31, my father woke up with chest pain, pain in his right arm, and severe nausea. After consulting with my brother Rick and me, Mom called his doctor and then headed to the emergency room. 

Within a few hours, he was diagnosed with an ischemic heart attack. We learned that he had a blood clot in his heart, and his heart function was at 30 percent (50 percent is normal). At that point, he was in stable condition but feeling terrible due to the nausea. However, the medications he received made him much more comfortable by that evening, and it seemed that the heart attack might have been a mild one. They started him on IV heparin to clear the clot, and we settled in to wait for the results of his cardiology consult. 

I wanted to be with Dad, but my sister Amy was staying with me, and I couldn't leave her alone. It would have been difficult to take her with me, and only two people were allowed in the E.R. room, so we said a prayer for him and went to bed, thankful that the attack had been mild and that Rick could stay with him through the evening.

Dad Looks So Strong in this Photo Taken by Rick at 9:05 p.m. on Day 1 of Hospitalization

Tough Decisions

The next morning while I was preparing breakfast, my phone rang. 

"Are you the daughter of Richard D-?" asked a heavily accented, male voice.

The Disastrous Debut of the Dunlap Quartet: Rick's Tribute

Last, but not least, here is the eulogy presented by Dad's only son, Richard Allen.

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Most eulogies are a collection of stories about positive aspects of the departed. I’m going to mix things up a little. I am going to start with a story about one of my dad’s flaws: Dad was a terrible singer!

One of my early memories is of me sitting next to my dad in church with him singing old-timey hymns in an extreme off-key manner. I had to plug my ear to block his singing so that I could attempt to sing on-key.

A Dubious Idea

One day, my family was asked to sing for the outreach program at one of the local nursing homes. We knew that this was a bad idea, but felt that we couldn’t say no.  We dutifully practiced our number, but it didn’t matter; we were still terrible. 

When the time came to sing our number for the old folks gathered, we were all very nervous. Melody played the piano while my Dad, Mom, and I “sang.” Well... Dad started to giggle. The giggling spread to Mom and me despite our efforts to suppress it.  Soon, the giggling spread more widely.  Dad tried to stifle the giggle by closing his mouth, but it came out through his nose... along with some other things which hit the top of my head.  Feeling this, I turned around to glare at him. Dad erupted into laughter, followed by Mom, me, and nearly the entire place.  We were unable to finish our song.

Afterwards, a sweet little old lady told us that she really appreciated our number and was greatly touched by it.  I don’t know if she was just being nice, or if she appreciated the comedy.  

That was the end of the Dunlap Family Quartet. We were not destined to be the next Partridge Family.  On the plus side, though, we were never asked to sing again.

Photo Taken a Year or Two After Our Disastrous Debut
Rick, Amy, Sarah, Melody

Carrying on the Family Line

I come from a long line of one-son families, going all the way back to my great grandfather Arthur Dunlap.  My grandfather Arta used to pressure me to “have lots of sons to keep the Dunlap name alive.”  I didn’t do so well because Diane and I only had one son and one daughter.  My son Mitchell and his lovely wife Michelle, however, did a much better job as they have three boys: Miles, Caleb, and Landon. This made my dad very happy.

Our Family Line: Miles, Mitchell, Caleb, Dad, Me

I don’t mean to imply that my dad loved his son more than his four daughters; he most certainly loved all of his children equally.  Dad was just very old-fashioned and believed that a father has a duty to teach his son how to be a man and father. He fulfilled this duty well.

Early to Rise

Dad believed that a man gets up at an insanely early hour, and that he is at least an hour early for work each day (you never know... you could have a flat tire on the way to work). When I was a teenager, he would literally drag me out of bed far earlier than was necessary and frog march me to the table. He would then talk to me and make me breakfast. I may not have appreciated at the time why he did this, but as I matured I began to understand--although I still don’t like to eat breakfast.

From when I was young and on through engineering school, I was lucky enough to work with my father on many jobs. We seem to be our most relaxed and closest when we were working together.  We carried this tradition on throughout my father’s life through completing numerous projects together.

Staying Active in Retirement

After my dad retired, he kept himself busy with projects, odd jobs, and yard mowing. At one point he was mowing multiple yards in addition to his own and mine.

Ready to Get to Work

Dad would show up to mow my yard at around 5:30 or so and wait in his truck until it was light enough to begin mowing. Diane and I would awake to the sound of the lawn mower before it was even fully light outside.  Dad would be finished with the job around the time I would be having my first cup of coffee. He would sit there with me on the patio drinking coffee and discussing things: current events, sports, family, etc.  These are some of my most cherished memories.

As my dad got older and slowed down, he dropped all other mowing jobs except for his own yard and mine. I frequently asked if he was up to mowing my yard. Up until the end he would always say that he was.

At age 91, he went the the VA for a checkup, and his doctor noted that he was in really good shape for a 91-year-old man. She asked what he did to stay so fit. He told her that he mowed yards. She reacted, “Oh my, Mr. Dunlap, you are far too old to be mowing yards. You should have your son mow your yard.” My Dad said that he was afraid to tell the doctor that he mowed his son’s yard too.

Last year when Dad was 92, I could see that he was struggling to mow my yard, and I asked him again if he was still capable of mowing. He answered that perhaps it was time for him to stop. I knew then that as tough and strong as my dad was, time was finally catching up with him in the end.

Dad to the Rescue: Tribute from Melody

Here is the eulogy given by Melody Anne, Dad's firstborn.

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Dad was a carpenter, and loved his work! He was always working on some project at home. He built closets, cabinets, bedrooms, bathrooms, additions. He built at least three bedrooms for me. Dad always let me help with the design. One of my bedrooms had bright pink carpet!

When I was around 17, Dad was removing old living room carpet in preparation for new carpet. As I was walking through the living room to the kitchen, barefoot, I stepped on a rusty old carpet tack. It went all the way into my heel. I started hopping, yelling, and carrying on! Dad and mom, my sisters, (and probably the neighbors) came running to see what happened. 

Dad assessed the situation, left the room, then returned with his HAMMER in his hand! His plan was to use the claw side of his hammer to remove the tack. I had to be held down, but he was successful. He pulled the tack out just like it was a nail in a board.

Portrait from Around that Time

Dad was always willing and eager to help us when we needed him. I was living in North Carolina, and he was living in Indiana, but I needed him. Greg, my two-year-old "Dennis the Menace," dumped a basket full of shell soaps into our toilet bowel. It had melted and solidified like cement. I couldn't pull it out or plunge it down. 

Sean, Greg, Stephen

So... I called Dad!

He told me step by step what to do. I wrote it down, then methodically went down the list: 

1. Buy a new wax seal
2. Turn off and disconnect water supply
3. Flush toilet twice
4. Lift toilet off the floor and place it upside down in the shower
5. Spray hot water into the toilet, using snake to dislodge the soap
6. Place new wax seal on floor
7. Place toilet back on floor
8. Reconnect water supply and turn on water
9. FLUSH

It worked!! And my toilet had never been so clean! 

Thank you, Dad ❣

2023

Cowboy Buddies: Tribute from Amy

Here is the eulogy shared by my older sister Amy Beth, the middle child. 

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I didn't think I'd have anything to say about Dad, but God brought to mind what I could say about Dad. 

The first thing is Dad was real quiet and didn't talk much, but although he was quiet, he was definitely there. He was always there. He was in the background, but he had a mighty presence in his family. He could always be counted on to be there. He showed his love by doing. He lovingly hung all my pictures and knick-knacks in my apartment. That's what gave him joy. 

The second thing is when I moved to Texas with Mom and Dad. He handed me his razor and said, "You're my barber now." I was scared because I never cut hair before. I did it the first time and found out it wasn't that hard. I cut Dad's hair about every six weeks for three years. That became a special time between Dad and I. I loved cutting Dad's hair. And he loved his time with me. 

Lastly, Dad was an avid Cowboys fan. I was his Cowboys buddy. We watched the Cowboy games together. One of the last games we watched together, I got drowsy and dozed off. My dad got upset and woke me up because he wanted me to watch the game with him. 

I wasn't going to talk about this, but Aunt Sue told me I should. The last time I spent with Dad before he died, I was sitting in the living room with my dad. The last thing my sister Melody told my parents when she dropped me off at my parents' was that I was not supposed to sleep during the day. I got drowsy and went to sleep. Daddy kept poking me with his cane to wake me up. He took his job seriously and kept poking me. He thought it was really funny, which I did not. I was really angry at him. I know he was doing it because he really loved me. But his sense of humor shone through because he loved to tease me. He had a fun loving heart. He was a lot of fun even when he was being annoying.

Dad with His "Poker"
At Granddaughter Erin's Wedding, 2021 

He was a great man and left a huge hole when he left this earth. He's now in heaven, dancing for joy. 

Love you, Dad! Goodbye. 

A Working Man's Hands: Tribute from Emily

I so enjoyed all of the eulogies that I asked my siblings if I could share theirs, too. This one was written by Dad's youngest child, my sister Emily Diane.

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Strong, steadfast, faithful, hardworking, dependable, provider, protector, man of integrity, God-fearing. These are just a few of Dad's many virtues.

You might be wondering why Dad is not dressed traditionally in a suit and tie. Well, that's just not who he was. Dad was a hardworking man. He rarely ever wore suits. 

Dad loved the Texas Rangers. He literally cried tears of joy when they won the World Series. Afterwards, I bought him a World Series Champions T-shirt. He was so looking forward to wearing it to a Rangers game this season with Rick, but was called to his heavenly home before he had the chance to wear it. So what could be more fitting than for him to wear it into his eternal rest?

With Son Rick and Grandson Sean

Family was everything to Dad. He was happiest when surrounded by us. Well that, along with watching Newsmax, according to Mom, for eleven hours a day. 

I can see him now, sitting in his old easy chair in the living room, his whole face lighting up upon seeing us enter the room. We were always welcomed with a warm smile, hug, and kiss on the cheek.

With My Son Knox in the Easy Chair

As a little girl, I remember Daddy as a big, strong man with calloused hands; a carpenter with working man's hands. Deep down though, he was a big teddy bear. And as he grew in years, so did his tenderness.

One of my favorite early childhood memories is of him making pancakes for the family. He was always sure to make Sarah and I "Doll pancakes" as he liked to call them. These were tiny drops of pancake batter that dripped onto the griddle, no bigger than the size of a dime or nickel. We would snack on these while we eagerly awaited our pancakes. 

Mom, Dad, Me, Sarah - 1975

Another fond memory I have is as a 6 year-old little girl on Dad's 50th birthday. I made him a homemade birthday card and gifted him with a couple of my Barbie dolls. With a chuckle and genuine gratitude, he pulled me onto his lap and gave me the biggest hug. I'm pretty sure he treasured that gift more than any other he received that year.

And of course I can't forget how when Amy, Sarah, and I were growing up, we were woken up each morning by the sound of Dad's jolly voice, "Get up squirrels, I mean girls!," which always brought a smile to our face.

Dad was goofy and had a great sense of humor. He had the best laugh. A contagious laughter that would spread across the room. 

A favorite memory from recent years is of him telling us about a time when he had made himself a hamburger. He grabbed the mustard from the refrigerator, squeezed it onto his burger, and took a big, juicy bite. "What in the world?!" he exclaimed as he looked down and saw the butterscotch syrup on the counter, which he had grabbed by mistake. "Oh well," he said, and ate it anyway. He got so tickled telling us about it, and the room just burst into laughter.

Dad was a fierce protector. Years before I was born, when Melody, Monica, and Rick were small children, and Mom and Dad lived in California, they were coming home one night, driving through a sketchy part of LA. They came across a chain gang blocking the road and heading straight toward them. Without giving it a second thought, Dad hit the gas and plowed right through them. Being a man of integrity, though, he drove straight to the police station to report what he had done. They said, "Sir, you did the right thing. They would have surely killed you and your family." Dad was a hero.

Monica, Mom, Rick, Melody

I have many more stories and could go on and on about how wonderful Dad was, but it is only fair to give my brother and sisters a chance to share their love as well.

As long as I live, I will share Dad's legacy. And until we meet again, Daddy, I love you. Forever, your Baby Girl.

Tribute from a Daddy's Girl

I have always been a Daddy's girl. During one of our conversations last week, Dad reminded me of his ritual of lying down on the floor next to the heat register for a nap after work and how, as a toddler, I'd lie down right next to him and go to sleep.

1972

Though I can't remember this, I'm told that I loved him so much that he never needed to spank me when I was naughty. All he had to do was frown at me and I would burst into tears. 

There was so much to love about Dad. 

He's Especially Fond of My Mama

A couple of Sundays ago, I raced to get ready for church in time, as usual, because I had slept in a little longer than I should have. Surveying the dresses in my closet, my eyes fell on a blue one that I hadn't worn in a year or two. I almost passed it over due to the lack of sleeves; I tend to get cold in the air conditioning, and I had no idea where my one pretty sweater might be. I felt almost compelled to wear the dress, though, so I pulled it off its hanger and stooped to retrieve the heeled sandals I usually wear with it.

Wonder of wonders, I was on track for an on-time departure when I remembered the beaded necklace in two shades of blue that goes perfectly with this dress. There was no time to look for it unless I wanted to be late for church. I hesitated at the door to the garage. Although I knew God didn't care one bit about my dress nor my perfectly matched jewelry, I again felt an odd compulsion. I finally sprinted back to the closet to rifle through the battered jewelry box on the shelf. 

The first thing I saw when I flipped open the top was my mother's wedding ring set, which she'd given to me for safekeeping while she was in the hospital with a broken hip many months ago. Oh, Mom's ring! I thought. She's been wanting that. 

I slipped it on my finger and resolved to give it to her that very afternoon. I found the beaded necklace in the third drawer and draped it over my neck triumphantly. There was no time to glance in the mirror, but I smiled at the recollection of how beautiful the beads looked against the blue floral fabric. 

Mom's smile was even broader when I handed over the ring a few hours later. "I'm sorry I kept it so long," I said sheepishly. "I kept forgetting that I had it--even though you asked me for it several times. How long has it been? Nearly a year?"

"Nearly two years," she said. "It was the February before last." 

Guilt pierced my heart. What a terribly long time to go without her ring! 

Later, when I hugged her goodbye, Mom told me again how happy she was to have her ring back. "I told God just a few days ago that I really wanted my ring," she said. "I told Him I didn't want to bother my daughter about it again."

"You were praying about it?" I asked. Before she could answer, I said, "You know you could have asked me. I know that I'm horribly forgetful. I wouldn't have been offended." 

"I wasn't really praying," she said. "I just mentioned it to Him." 

"Wow, Mom! He loves you so much," I said, and then I told her the story of wanting to wear the dress, and then feeling compelled to wear the necklace. 

Her smile was so radiant that she reminded me of a teenager in love for the first time. Yes, God is especially fond of my mother. I love the creative ways that he works... even through my vanity! 

Mom Holding a Treasure Even More Precious than Her Rings
Great-Grandson Beckham

Another Sweet Treasure - Penny Jayne

My First Spanish Sacred Echo

It was hard to get out of bed yesterday after a four-day weekend that I packed entirely too full of cooking and cleaning and driving all over creation. Still, I managed to move quickly enough for a short quiet time before departing for my weekly office day.

Sweet Riggy, My Faithful Quiet-Time Buddy

The entry in my Jesus Listens devotional encouraged me, as always. I especially enjoyed a beloved verse in Isaiah 41, which felt new because I was reading in Spanish. I always read the Bible in Spanish so that I can avoid the complacency that comes with familiarity, and also so that I can practice my pronunciation. 

"Do not be afraid," I read. "Don't be dis... couraged? For I am with you. I am your God. I will... strengthen you. I will sustain you with my right hand." 

Take a Walk with Me - Eighteen Years of Wonderful Memories

This past Friday, my baby girl turned 18. The night before that inconceivable event, I sat down to write about it, but as I combed through years of blog stories looking for pictures, I took a turn down memory lane and spent the evening reading about Allyson's life. I hope you'll take a walk with me down through the years.

The story actually begins about 21 years ago, after Bill and I decided we wanted to start a family. The 19 months it took us to conceive felt interminable. It occurs to me now what a blink in time that was compared with the dizzying passage of time these last 18 years. 

We were on a Carribean cruise with Ethan when I finally learned I was pregnant--after I'd already filled the prescription for a fertility drug that I would never need to take. 

At this point, my suspected pregnancy was a fragile, secret hope

Excerpt from my journal, 10/7/05:

I slept fitfully last night, waiting for the light, waiting to take my test. I got up around 7:30 and crept to the bathroom. I set the test stick flat on the lavatory and watched the fluid spread across the window. The reference line appeared immediately, but there was no test line at first. My stomach sank. [This experience had become far too familiar.]

But then I saw a second line, very faint, begin to materialize. I strained to see it, and yes, it got darker and darker. There definitely were two lines, though the second was lighter. I sat and smiled at myself in the tiny mirror. I didn't cry.

I climbed back in bed and snuggled up to Bill. I was too excited to fall back asleep, but I lay there for another hour enjoying my secret....

Of course, what I wanted most was a healthy baby, but I yearned for a daughter. 

The Best Miserable Birthday

Months ahead of my birthday last month, I told Allyson and Ethan that all I wanted this year was a family camping trip, our first in six years. I had actually reserved a campsite twice in the fall, but both times I had to cancel due to rain in the forecast. This time, I reserved a site with a covered shelter and handicap access so that my sister Amy could go with us, and I was determined not to cancel no matter what. Since forgetfulness runs in our family, I reminded them many times over the ensuing months.

In the days before the campout, the weather forecast grew more and more ominous, but I doggedly held onto our plans. The rain wasn't scheduled to begin until Saturday, so I reasoned that we'd have one good night and could wait out the rain in the covered shelter playing games. 

The celebration began on my actual birthday, a Thursday. Allyson and I drove to my parents' house, where I met Amy and our sister Melody, with whom she lives currently. We enjoyed a delicious meal and our favorite dessert, a concoction made of Butterfinger candy bars, vanilla pudding, ice cream, and Cool Whip. 

Allyson gave me two delightfully practical gifts, a table lamp for my room and a comfortable workout shirt to wear to the gym that I joined recently. She also gave me my favorite healthy candy bar. Best of all, instead of a card, she gave me a full-page handwritten letter that assured me all the love I've poured into her has been received.

Mom and my sisters gave me sweet cards and gifts, too. 

I spent the rest of that evening and the next morning doing what I always do before trips: preparing lots of food and packing my little Kia to the gills. Ethan and his wife Sumer drove out to my house around noon to play with their cat Riggy, whom I've been fostering, and to load up whatever wouldn't fit into my car. This time I had Amy's wheelchair and several other essential items, so packing had been even more of a challenge. 

Ethan, Sumer, and Allyson went on ahead while I packed up the last of the food. Amy and I left about an hour and a half after our planned departure, which is pretty typical. We arrived late in the afternoon to find that Ethan and Allyson had set up their tents, and Allyson was relaxing in her hammock, which she'd strung between two trees. 

The Campsite

The site was amazing! The rectangular covered shelter nestled among lush trees, so close to the lake that you could hear the water lapping against the shore. Just behind and below the shelter was a collection of giant rocks that formed a scenic overlook. I smiled as I pictured how Ethan would have clambered over the rocks if we'd reserved this site on camping trips decades before. 

If You Look Closely, You Can See the Lake