Allyson's Blessed Year

I have a few moments tonight, so I thought I'd share some long overdue Allyson stories. Here we are starting the Christmas season, and I realize I never even posted her first-day-of-school pictures.

This year we tried something new for school clothes shopping: we visited a couple of resale shops. Allyson was a little reluctant at first, but I told her our budget was a little limited this year due to all my medical bills over the spring and summer. This way we could get a lot more for our money. When we got to the first one, she was like a kid in a candy shop. She couldn't stop exclaiming over all the bargains. We each walked out with a giant armload of clothes--all the brands she loves--for under a hundred dollars. Ka-ching! During our bedtime prayers that night, Allyson sweetly thanked God for blessing us with all these clothes.

For the first day of school, she put together several of her "new" pieces, including some super cute boots that we got from the teen resale shop. (Like me, Allyson has been blessed with giant clodhoppers and has already grown into women's shoe sizes.)

I was a little nervous about the long sequined tank with the short jean vest, but Allyson was perfectly confident in her ability to accessorize. Good thing, because she's not going to get much help from me in that department. Same with hair styling, I'm afraid. Not to worry, Allyson finds all the help she needs on YouTube.

Desires of My Heart

The stack of untold stories in my brain is getting so tall it's about to topple, but as always, I only have time for one. So I'm going to share the story that is burning in my heart....

My pastor has a saying that kind of makes me shiver: "All of us are always in one of three phases. We're either in the middle of a trial, coming out of a trial, or about to go back into a trial."

When I was in the middle of my very painful divorce, that saying brought me comfort. I knew the trial had to come to an end eventually. And I knew that I was learning valuable lessons in trusting God that couldn't be learned any other way.

But now that life seems sweeter than ever before, I've started to wonder about the next trial. What will it be? How long can this calm last? What if my life is torn in two again?

At the same time, I've felt wistful about the amazing closeness I developed with God during the worst of my trials. When life is going smoothly, it's a sad fact that I get busy and distracted, and sometimes I forget to commune with my Beloved. Oh, He's always there, and I talk to Him, but somehow it's not quite as sweet as all those times when I cried my heart out with Him in my prayer closet.

That doesn't mean God isn't working on me. Oh no. Over the last few weeks, He's been doing something utterly miraculous in my heart. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Best start at the beginning.

My Little Plumbing Buddy

Oh, I have so much to tell you. Deep, meaningful things. Shallow, silly things. Scary things. Little joys, small disappointments, major victories. If I had time, I would share them all. But I don't, and I've been missing you. So tonight I will share just one story. (Or maybe two.) 

One of my biggest joys of late has been working with Allyson in the kitchen. She's taken a few cooking lessons over the last couple of years and even attended a week-long cooking camp this past summer. At first, cooking with her was something I permitted for the greater good even though she slowed me down considerably. I'm not sure when the transition occurred, but in recent months I've realized that she is now a huge help to me. It actually goes beyond mere help. She can cook entire recipes on her own, with very little supervision.

Recently she made something I'd never dreamed of attempting: homemade sopapillas (from freshly ground sprouted wheat, of course). One weeknight evening she made up her mind she wanted them, and I didn't have the energy to talk her out of it. To her delight, we had all the ingredients. The dough was surprisingly easy for her to make, all on her own. Frying them in a skillet, however, took a bit of trial and error.

Chapter 3 - Finding Rachel

Here's the link to chapter three of my novel.

Chapter 3

If you'd like to keep reading, please visit the Finding Rachel blog and sign up for email notifications. I will post a chapter each Sunday.

I'm having fun! I hope you are too.

Chapter 2 - Finding Rachel

As promised, here is chapter 2 of my novel, Finding Rachel. Enjoy!


Chapter 2


Allyson had fun helping me act out this scene on our back porch, to figure out the logistics. She also enjoyed trying to help me with editing, but I finally threw her out because she was making me nervous.


I will post one more chapter notification next Sunday on this blog. After that point, if you'd like to receive notifications, you'll need to subscribe for email alerts on the Finding Rachel blog. Or you can just check back every Sunday.

Finding Rachel

Every now and then, somebody asks me about my novel. Did I ever finish it? Am I going to look for a publisher? That always gives me a sinking feeling.

I did finish the first draft about four years ago and started on the hard work of revision. Soon after, I went through a divorce, and publishing my novel wasn't even on my priority list.

It's been nearly three years since Bill and I separated, and I've started thinking about my neglected manuscript again. Thinking is all I have time to do about it; I never knew it was possible to be this busy.

During a recent Bible study on the life of King David (Chasing After the Heart of God), I was inspired to pray about how God wants me to be courageous, to step out of my comfort zone. My novel immediately came to my mind and heart, and I knew it was time to share this story that God gave me.

I still don't have time or energy to revise the manuscript for publication, but I believe I can manage publishing a chapter a week online.

This is an act of courage for me for two reasons:

1. I'm afraid it's not good enough. That's why I'm going to publish it anyway and let you decide. This is a good step toward letting go of my perfectionism. 
2. I'm afraid to commit to a chapter a week. I know I won't be able to resist the urge to do at least some minor editing, and that will take time. I fear publishing the first few chapters and then leaving you all hanging. 

I explained all this to God, but He told me not to let fear stop me from using the gifts he gave me. I can't argue with that!

I've set up a separate blog, Finding Rachel. I will post a chapter there each week, probably on Sundays. I plan to publish links to the first few chapters on this blog, but if you want to be notified each time I post another chapter, please visit the other site and enter your email address in the "Subscribe" section.

Also, if you enjoy the story, please share it with others via social media. My prayer is that someone will be touched by this story of redemption and healing.

So here's the first chapter:

Chapter 1

Flip Or Flop

In my last entry, I shared my struggles with anxiety over recently diagnosed food allergies. I'm happy to report that I am in much better spirits. I haven't only let go of the worry and frustration, but I've actually even started to have fun trying new things. As always, the stories have been stacking up in my head, so I thought I'd take the time to share a few of them.

One of my favorite things to cook is pancakes. I have nearly a dozen favorite recipes, most including yummy fruits and even vegetables. I love apple pancakes, strawberry pancakes, peach pancakes, banana pancakes, pumpkin pancakes, and especially blueberry chocolate chip pancakes. 

When I started my rotation diet several weeks ago, pancakes were one of the foods I grieved for the most. I'd gone off gluten grains (wheat, barley, etc.) and other similar grains (spelt, Kamut, etc). I was able to eat buckwheat and rice, but on their respective days, there weren't enough other ingredients to make pancakes -- or so I thought, until I found The Ultimate Food Allergy Cookbook and Survival Guide. From this book, I learned that you can make quick breads even without baking powder and eggs! All you need is baking soda and some form of acid for leavening, such as vinegar, lemon, or rhubarb concentrate. (Baking soda, like salt, is non-reactive.)

Since I could only have vinegar every four days and I wasn't allowed to have lemon, I ran to the store for some rhubarb, which happened to be in season. I boiled the heck out of it and then strained the liquid, which I froze by the tablespoonful in an ice cube tray. Lo and behold, the results were glorious! Or maybe just edible.

Hang Onto the Raft!

In my last entry, I told you that I've been longing to be free of my need to control everything. If only I could just make a list of necessary actions and check off each step! But the list is the problem. I keep trying harder and harder to let go, but of course it doesn't work that way. All attempts at perfecting myself only leave me hopelessly frustrated, utterly worn out.

I've been praying about this for months, and God has given me an assurance that He is working on me. In the good moments, I've felt not only peace, but exhilaration at the idea of being free. First, I pictured myself clinging to the edge of a cliff, knuckles white, clawing in desperation as I lost my grip. Deliberately, I imagined peeling my fingers loose and letting myself fall, fall... only to be borne up by a gentle wind current. I imagined myself floating peacefully on the breeze like a flying squirrel, or even soaring like an eagle.

Well, that's not exactly what God had in mind. On a walk in the park a few weeks back, He gave me a different analogy. In my favorite part of the park, I recalled something I'd read in a devotional about being caught in the current of God's Spirit. At the time, I'd found great comfort in the idea of leaving my plans behind and floating down God's river to some beautiful destination.

I paused next to the dry stream bed which only a few weeks earlier had been swollen with rain. "God, I trust you," I prayed. "I want to relax and let your current take me wherever you want me to go." I thought about the agonizing anxiety that I'd been battling for weeks. A couple of tears trickled down my cheeks. "Even here, God. Even here."

Best Days of My Life

This past Friday evening, aboard a sunset dolphin cruise in Destin, Florida, I was feeling pretty melancholy because it was already the last night of our much-awaited beach vacation, a graduation celebration for Ethan and my niece Hillary. I'd been longing for a quiet week to rest, lie on the sugar sand, and maybe walk along the beach with my Beloved. But somehow, all six days had slipped through my fingers, and I was still waiting for that relaxation I needed so much.

My sister Amy, me, Allyson

Amy, our sister Emily, nephews Charlie and Sam

Charlie, nephew Jacob, brother-in-law Paul, Sam

Nieces Hillary and Savannah, friend Sarah

Charlie and our crazy captain

Just as I was trying to shrug off my dark mood so that I could enjoy the sunset and the sea spray, Summer of 69 started blaring from the very loud, crackly radio. For a moment, I enjoyed the nostalgia as I always do, but then I started thinking about the words: "Those were the best days of my life." And I thought, "What were the best days of my life?"

We'll Figure It Out

Tonight I was missing you all and wanting to write, but I thought, "I just don't have anything to say." It's not that there were no stories, just that I have no energy to tell them. But then I realized I just have to share at least one story....

Just yesterday--or maybe it was 13 years ago--I was lamenting the fact that my baby was now a little man. Here he was on his very first day of school.

In front of the school, he looked ready to tackle any challenge that came his way, with the help of that backpack that was almost as big as he was.

And then, at the Kindergarten breakfast with Mommy and Daddy, he could hardly contain his excitement even as I batted away tears. 

But when he was finally on his own, he wasn't at all sure he wanted to do this.

I can relate to that feeling. I get it a lot, mainly when it comes to parenting. I always think, "Wait, I'm not prepared for this at all!" But of course, I don't get a choice. I have to learn on the job, often through painful mistakes that bring the most valuable lessons.

First Harvest!

In my last entry (over a month ago!) I showed you my tiny Earthbox garden and confessed that I had apparently botched a foolproof system when I planted my summer squash right in the middle of some fertilizer powder. Well, maybe the Earthbox system really is foolproof. I sure am glad I refused to uproot the squash. Just look at it now!

Are Those... Squashes? Why Yes, They Are!

And here is a beautiful, shiny zucchini:

And some teeny, tiny strawberries:

There's also a four-inch cabbage growing right in the middle of some very bug-eaten leaves, but I don't have a picture of it yet.

Speaking of bugs, I had my second run-in with chiggers last week. My first encounter was on our camping trip last spring. Oh, boy. do those itch. I had about ten giant welts right along my pantie line. Apparently those tiny invisible bugs spend the whole day crawling up your body and stop when they hit resistance (like an elastic band). Then they burrow in and secrete this poison that melts your tissue and causes insane itches. The welts lasted for weeks and weeks. In fact, I feared I'd be permanently scarred.

So you can imagine how careful I was a couple weeks back on our annual camping trip. I needn't have worried. This time we went to a city park. It was all manicured grass. Our site backed up to a giant parking lot! A whole different kind of camping.

Little did I dream that I would get bit by a chigger in my own backyard a week later. The grass (weeds, mainly) had grown way too tall with all the rain. Now, every time I go out to fill the Earthbox reservoirs, I have to wear my old runners, saturated with concentrated Deet spray, and then I have to shower as soon as I come inside.

But it's all worth it. Look at how the garden has grown over the last five weeks:

See the Bug Holes on the Cabbage (Far Right)?

All that lush foliage isn't just pretty to look at. It's actually fruitful. Tonight I picked my first harvest:

But I don't know what I was thinking. I picked it after dinner. I should've waited until I could cook it immediately. Or I should have picked it before I made tonight's pizza. I love grilled zucchini on my pizza. Oh well, I bet grilled zucchini will be great on leftover pizza tomorrow at lunch.

I'm so happy! I am Sarah, and I garden.