At 6:34 this morning, about four minutes after I drug myself out of bed, I was standing in the kitchen and staring blankly out of dull, bleary eyes while I waited for my toast to pop up. Bill happened to be in my line of vision, so I listlessly watched him slather peanut butter on his toast.
When I saw him lick his knife, the first smile of the day teased my lips. "Ah, so he licks the knife just like me!" I thought.
A grimace quickly replaced the faint smile when I witnessed his next action. He wiped the knife on a paper towel and then plunged it into the jelly jar. As he spread a dollop of jelly on his melting peanut butter, I exclaimed, "Did you just lick that knife and stick it in the jelly??"
"I wiped it off first," he said, shrugging his shoulders.
"But... the knife has... GERMS!" I sputtered.
"No it doesn't. I'm not sick."
"But you haven't brushed your teeth yet," I pointed out. "You have all those morning breath germs still. Besides..."
"I took a shower," he interrupted.
"But you didn't wash your mouth."
"I rinsed my mouth," he said. Case closed.
"Well, I'm not eating any more of your blackberry jelly," I said emphatically.
Now he cracked his first smile of the day, though he tried to suppress it. "Plan accomplished!" he said.
I thought about the way he drinks straight from the Gatorade jug. Of course, that doesn't stop Allyson from stealing it and drinking it just like Daddy does, though the 64 ounce jug is almost bigger than her head. I wondered what other things in our refrigerator were contaminated with saliva germs.
"What else do you...? No, never mind. I don't want to know."
"Hey, you've known me for ten years and it hasn't killed you yet," Bill said.
I could have argued that there's a first time for everything, especially now that the swine flu is always at the back of my mind. Instead, I said nothing, mostly because I knew I was pushing the limit on early morning conversation. Bill doesn't usually talk until after he's finished his coffee.
So What Do You Think?
So would you eat the jelly? If you're reading this via email or Facebook, please click the link at the bottom of this post and then take my poll, at the top right corner of the page. Together, perhaps we can help Bill see the error of his ways.
In the meantime, I wouldn't eat any blackberry jelly at our house.